The Final Chapter

THE FINAL CHAPTER !!

    I... was in love with you since Form 4 the first time i met you .
I bring you to see our school "penolong kanan" Mister Raghbir Singh and inform the management that you are newcomer and registering yourself .
Hahaha , i still remember what i said to you . Where are you from , and why you transfer to out school ?
I still remember , i always saw you have your head looking down the floor and always sitting there alone . In fact was , you were there holding your phone and SMS with someone . That moment , how much i wish i was the fella .
Actually just for a very short time only , because in my mindset . Someone like you is totally IMPOSSIBLE for me and so i told myself to forgot . Of coz , love at first sight is crazy . so i could easily forgot that feeling and in a very short time i goes along with another girl in our school .
That moment i knew , i was totally had you removed .

     One day , our class plan a trip to Sunway Pyramid ice skating . hahaha .
I still remember i went there with another gang of friend early morning and then join my class after that and stay until very very late . I still remember , she go with her boyfriend and they play so happy then in bus they were sittin together and she sleep in such cute and silence way ^^ Until now i still remember that moment , maybe im a person with good memory perhap , Hehe .

     Time pass !! Graduated .

     Sometimes we had a class gathering , sometime wherever there is an event . I will look forward for certain person attendance . Youre one of them .
Most memorable gathering , 2011 Chinese New Year . We are all gathered  here in one restaurant in Seri Kembangan . After the dinner , we are then went to Pavillion for a group movie . Youre hesitating whether goin or not , youre wanted to go so much but youre afraid no one could send you home later on . Haha , then im being call up and asked whether i can fetch you home later .
I promise without any thought . Dont know leh .
Finally movie is finish , on the way to our carpark . A GUYS !! Waiting you down there , and i heard someone is discussing about you and him . I thought that was your new bf , but i also heard you still havent break with your Ex and Actually he just your friend . My feeling was , WTF . This girl was !!
That time , i was so pity to her Ex =.=

     And faith , faith ? I do not know , perhaps it is just a coincidence .
Anyway , we somehow able to chat online . Not long , but meaningful to me .
Another gathering , A day after Christmas . 26 December 2011 . Once again , we met .
And this time , i do have the chance to fetch you home . AFter the gathering , since she is following my car . Then i still have to go another small party , my another friends give surprise to her boyfriend . That day , that time , that place , i found that i fell for you AGAIN !!


    AGAIN !! I tell myself , that was just a temporary feeling . So fast i can forgot it like i do in secondary school . I also keep telling myself this girl wasnt the one i was looking for , she will make me unhappy .
After i get her home , bath and laying on my bed . Cant control myself to send her a sms and say "Merry Christmas . Good Night =D"
She replied , not so remember but a word i remember so much "she cant sleep".
Know what , This day onward . We chat almost everyday , Until 1st January 2012 i tell you I Love You .
I know it just a short time from 26Dec2011 to 1Jan2012 . But the day in between , the joke we had , the way we chat . My feeling start to get deeper and I WAS SO CONFIRM , I LOVE HER SO MUCH !!! 
This feeling had not been appear after i broke with my Ex until that day .

    Hehehehe .

Thinking back of what i had done to you ..
Knowing that you are quarreling with him , i spend all my times try to get you accompanied .
So that you won't be too sad .Even though im so unhappy when you told me you still chatting with him . How much i wish i can tell you , I LOVE YOU !!
and
tell you to leave him !!

     Time pass , you finally break up with him . Hehe , December 31 2011 , 10.30pm you text me and tell me .
What a special day huh ? Of coz im so freaking happy . But in another way , i worry she is so sad TT But i knew she was at home , with her family with her . I believe she will be sound and safe .
      I still very remember , i was at Genting with my ex secondary classmate celebrating New Year countdown with more than thousand of people packed at the themed park just to see the firework . I plan to take picture with the firework and with the body language , I LOVE YOU and MMS you and tell you how much I LOVE YOU !!
Too bad , due to weather problem . Firework postponed to January 1 2012 night .
So , my mind was . Destinated , i shouldnt let you know my feeling . But when i think and think . If i dont tell you , i will never know what youre thinking and i never know whether i really can love you or not . After awhile i confirmed to send that message ^^
She wasnt replying until I did try to send another message , i found that her phone was off . I was OMG , She off her phone =.=
But later on , She replied , "CONFIRM??"
so I reply , CONFIRM !!
and only i found that she was sick that night , caught in cold and cough alot . She then say good night and went to sleep .
That night , me and my other friend play in one of my friend's apartment . We play until almost dawn . The time we wanan sleep , it was cold like hell . I got no blanket but just a carpet .
And hadda wake at around 10am , i was first to wake . So i had a early access of toilet . Haha .

     After awhile i text her good morning and ask about her condition . God Bless , she is better but still have to take good care .
Chat with you until very late of every night even though i'm so so so tired and sleepy .
     Night came . That day we talk since morning , just normal chatting .
Until night , i decide to initiate her again .
So i start by asking her "what is her thinking after i told her i love her"
She  ask me , why after my I Love You , there is a TT symbol ?
My text look like this , I Love You at the end .
xxxx
xxxx
xxxx
xxxx
I Love You TT
SO i said , Because i believe if you were there that night . I will tell you by my mouth , and i believe my tears will fall !!
After some text , i ask her . "I know youre not ready now and youre just leave a relationship . So you dont have to gimme a answer now . But i just wanna know , the moment youre ready . Will i be on your list ?"
She ask me , what is my 2012 plans .
I Told her what was my plan .
and
she replied , "youre are on my list" .

     She may not know this , after this WORD !! I WAS FREAKING MOTIVATED , I jump up from my bed and do what i had planed !!
All this time , times pass so fast coz' i have you to chat with me . 
The first time i go out with , just 2 person .
Do you remember when ?
hehe , Dreamz Bakery . I still remember the moment while i was driving to the destination , I was so silence do not know what to say .
I act i was busy with gps , i hope when we reach i was able to speak up .
Too sad , when we reach . Youre the one who talking all the time . I was just listening , and i dont know what to say =.=
After that day , i start to research "how to speak up"
I search on net ,
I ask my friend who had boyfriend or girlfriend and ask them to share their stories .
One day i ask you ,
"What am i good and bad of if i was your friend?"
"What am i good and bad of if i was your boyfriend?"
Your Answer ,
"youre good at , knowing how to take care of her and im bad at not talking much . Coz when 2 person go dating , will be so boring"
But that moment i remember back the moment where you and your boyfriend at Sunway Pyramid , your Ex was silence too =.= But i dint say it out , just in my mind .
Later , i start to know how to speak up in front of her .
Yet i start to felt so comfortable when im just alone with her ^^

     After the first time , i start get a  chance and try to date her for a a second time .
That day , I suppose youre holiday still havent end . But you was so boring at home , duno what to do .
So i take another chance and date your for a movie .
First she wasnt rejecting , and so i told her i will be waiting your .
So Intentionally wait you at Boston and dressed well for a movie . Then intentionally online there and chat with you to keep you accompanied .
you say nothin ,but i knew you wasnt feel like goin already . Im mad .
and ,
still find a reason to see you , by sending you chocolate .
But then when i see you , all the anger is release ..
look at your innocent eye , pretty faces and sweet smile ^^
How can i mad at you -.- How could I !!??
Actually i also understand , it was your parent problem .

     ACtually there is a stories where we go for a gathering at Mines and then we go for a movie at pavillion . Haha , that remind me of last year . But this time , I was the one who fetching her home ^^
I found that Love can really help you cope with every thing that you dont like about your loved one .

     2Weeks before Valentine .
I directly ask you , " say , Valentine wanna go out ?"
haha , seems like you are okay with it already .
But you really no reject .
So i start to do survey , which Japanese restaurant was the best .
I found that so many said Shogun .
So i make a booking at Fahrenheit 88 , i worry you dont like buffet .
So i book other a table with other sushi restaurant that located at same mall .
Also i start to plan the agenda for that day .
My plan was , a bear in car . A rose .
I wan her to assume her valentine present was a rose , a bear and a dinner .
hehe , that rose was just to make her dissapoint .
And i planned , the bouquet of rose will be given after all the event . Before i bring you back safely to your hostel .
I still remember the reaction when she saw that bouquet of flower , she was so so so happy . I confirm this , she may not admit . That moment , how much i wish i can hold her and give her a goodbye kiss .
Actually i should ask to go for a walk or a drink after i send her back hostel .
I still remember that day , TUESDAY !!! 14Febuary2012 , I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY !! NEVER !!
     After i home , i saw her took photo with the bear and a word "even ad past but still happy valentine"
Was happy coz she appreciated it =D
     She hadda go home on thursday , and i remember that she lemme fetch her home . The moment i reach her hostel , i wasnt expecting that she will bring the flower i give her back to home . But she bring it back ^^ I was so happy , she lemme fetch her home with the flower i give her .
In my mind was , she let her parent know that im the guy who is after her NOW !!
Was so excited , hehehe .
She did complain that her daddy was nagging her , about not studying all that . Coz her daddy tot she is in relationship and not focus on her study .
Then i intentionally ask her , WHY !?
Why she still bring the flower back even she knew that her parent will nag her .
She answer me "i believe that there is a possiblities between us and i dun wanna live those life where i hadda hide from parent to go out with my boyfriend like my EX " WOAH !!
Boyfriend she mention ? Of coz i was happy and so excited , unable to sleep .
God damn , the feeling was .
Do all the best i can , and love her with all the blood that i able to pump to heart . And my hard work is return with a good payback .
That moment , i start to slow down . Not to give you more pressure so that you can focus more on study first .
BUT , Things change . WHEN ?
The moment i start working , she start exam and doin revision .
Things change , WORSE .
We start to stop chat like last time , and every day gettin serious and serious .
    
     After her exam pass , i dont want things to go on like this and so i decided to do something . I bought a diamond ring and diamond earring .
     There is part where i make her 1000 handmade STARs , and pour from above her hostel room and then i invited her to go down and talk to her . I gave her the ring .
Hehe , she start to nervous and acting not feeling good .
I can see from her action , with her hand cover her face always , bend down and others .
I date her for a movie next , and send her home . Then right before she goin to her house , she said "better we dont go out tonight , i felt it will be very uncomfortable with you tonight"What next ? I sit my car , and THINK !! What im done , what im done wrong , what else is less . She say we may have possibilities but things goes become worse .
I cant felt any feeling , even a feeling of friendship . Totally . It is like LOSING SOMETHING THAT HAD BEEN HOLDING FOR SOME TIME !!
     Later while , she came down with the ring i give her and tell me she shouldnt accept it . hehe , that moment was akward =.= She recieved it becoz she tot she should and after some of her friend word . She decide not to accept .
Its okay ! Great .

    Our story may end here , But i will make a new book for it ^^

    I actually still believe if you will tell your parent that you love me too and wanna be together with me . I believe this woulnt be our final chapter in this book ! I also believe there is no final chapter , I will go on what im doin .
I swear to give you a big surprise on your 21st birthday party ^^
Accept it or not , can make you love me or not ,
I actually dont really care already . As long as i had done my best , and i can at least see your smile . And appreciate what i had done .

     Even im not looking for you , that doesnt mean i had forgot you .
I was just hiding behind your shadow and don wana give you streess ^^

     In fact , i knew everything was my fault . If i could just control my emotion a little bit more . If i pay more attention , If i give more love .
Sorry girl , I was the one who wrote this final chapter on our love .
I LOVE YOU !!
I Wish you happy always ^^
If this was a paper , it would be all wet ~
I promise you , I will live my life ^^

Planned & Undone

So many things had been planned , and me myself are well prepared for anythings that come towards .
Too bad , there are too many factor that affect my plan .
1 . Other Than Me 
     Sometime , when we are asking for help . What we can do beside wait ?
Anyway , this human is kinda cheap ? I doesnt mean "ALL" . Some are so co-op . But some say busy , but they can still reply -.-
Good .. Its okay , Malaysian ma ~ They always act busy , but they are actually facing the pc and scrolling their mouse , lol .
FOR ME IT'S L.I.F.E !
2 . Working Hours
     IN time , i felt so tired after work . even that my job arent tiring , But every time i reach home i just wish i can jump on bed and sleep .
Too bad i still have things to be done , i have to force myself and work on it .
"ALWAYS" ask myself , WHAT I WANT !!!
When i felt down or unsure where i gonna go . I WILL TELL MYSELF MY DREAM !!
A friend of mine taught me , even we just met once .
But thanks alot .
When im down or unsure , Im unsure whether i should go on with my job or not . Coz it is stress and tiring .
Then i will tell myself , I WANNA DRIVE A CAR WORTH MORE THAN 100K , I WANNA OWN A HOUSE WORTH MORE THAN 350K , I WANNA OWN A BUSINESS WORTH MORE THAN 1B . Yeah , That is what i want !! SO I HAVE TO WORK HARDER THAN OTHER .
Beside that , i wanna own my very first car at 21st , and my very own property before 24th !!
This is what motivated me to GO ON !!

3 . Unappreciated
     Its okay ..
Sometime what i do for someone is unappreaciated . ITs okay for me , AS LONG AS I HAD DONE MY BEST !!
But what is , when i done my best and doesnt felt appreaciated . It is really heart breaking , even i said IT IS OKAY . But its not okay .
Seriously , when someone do something for you . PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE , APPREACIATE IT .
Not by accepting , a "THANK YOU" . This will really , AT LEAST the person who done so many things for you will felt appreaciated !!
     Sometimes this feeling came out , and it will make me hard to go on with what i should do .
Thats why , somethings is planned but is hard to be done . "
I WILL DO MY BEST THOUGH !

You Jerk !!!

Because of love , everyone went crazy ..
love cant be measure ..
but promises can be measure ..
you fail , mean you fail ..
if you cant afford a promise , DUN FAKING PROMISE SOMEONE THAT YOU CAN  !!!
JERK , FUCK YOU !!

Because of your duno what stupid promises , and you dun work hard and achieve it ..
That make her , lose trust in relationship . A real relationship !!

Before That

Someone who is past is past ..
Appreciate someone who is near you now ..
SO please dun let someone who love you leave you ..
but ,
if Someone who really love you and had their heart broken .
and ,
Someone who really wait you like youre the only girl in the world .
Because they do , they did REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU ..
At least , give them a hug before you really end this !!!

Conversation of Demon and Angel of my Mind ~

Demon : You had done what you need , appreciate or not .. It depend on her , Dont waste time focus on one ..

Angel : You cant give up , since you already done so many things ..

Demon : She never love you .. Trust me

Angel : Its just a wrong timing now .. Wait for the perfect timing , she is waiting too .

I told them , yea ..
I had done what i should , and that is my limit ..
I wasted few year just to staying at home doin nothing , i give up easily ..
Cant i just let myself bear through this ?
Please dun ask me give up too ..
I know its about time too ..

Something that i did not know ...

Something that we never knew ...
Would you hold my hand , if i hold you hand .
Would you reply my hug , if i hug you
or would you remove your hand from me ,
push me away ?

Something that i already knew ...
If one day ,
you hold my hand , ill hold your hand tightly .
Wont let you go away from me .
If you hug me one day , ill hug you back
and give you a soft kiss on your forehead .

Something that you already knew ...
...
...
...
...
...
WHO KNOWS ? beside you ...

How can i tell myself about you ?
Girl ? Can you teach me what to do ?

When i ask you for a date ..
Yea , NEXT WEEK !!
You just said , not sure and its not time for honeymoon ..
When another friend say they gonna go for your favorite movie ,
you said you are so interested and wanted to go ..
Maybe next week is so so busy , but you can tell me ..
"how about later ?"
or
"how about this week?"

You said , you were afraid to ask your parent whether if you can go out or not ..
Because you told me , you were so scare .
I understand , totally understand ..
and now .. you were staying outside ,
If you really wanted to go out with me ,
simply say you wanna out .
and ill be there .

It was just my thought , maybe you think different ?
But how am i suppose to know if i wasnt being told .. ?

If i can chose again , i wouldn't tell you i love you at the first place ..
Ill make sure i understand you more first ..
BUT know what ?
I had told you , so ill be responsible with my action .
I had told you , that ill wait you patiently .
I had told you , i had give you a hope .
Even i do not know if it is a hope for you .
Even im complaining .. But in heart , i was heartbreaking .
Even i say i will chose not to tell if i can chose ..
But i never regret actually , if i did not tell you at the first place ..
I think we wont reach here ..
Where i can tell you I Love You always ...

I just hope , one day. We can sit together and talk .. Talk peacefully , discussing ..
And dont end with argument !

AM I ?

Its hard to forget someone , there is not way to help you forget someone .
You just had to endure it the pain of missing someone until you one day you wake up and your mind was thinking about something else instead of him/her .

Too bad , i wasnt about to forget you .
But , what make us today is because of ;
We text everyday ,
We just start our every day with a Good Morning ,
And we end our every night with a Good Night .
Its just like go to work , go to school everyday ..
Longer it is , it became a part of life .
We get used to it ..
You dont like to go to work , dont like to go to school .
But this thing had enter your life .. When holiday came , you will total forgot about .
You dont love me , just that you take me as a object where you use it everyday .
If one day you dont found me , you will just forget about me .
I do hope YOU LOVE ME , just that you wasnt ready for a relationship .
I WONDER AM I JUST A PART OF THIS STUPID OBJECT .
ONE DAY , YOU LOST ME ,
I STOP FINDING YOU ,
WILL YOU JUST TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT ME ???

Life Was Too Short to Think , Because Time Flies !!!

I have something so tell myself , but i don't know where to start with ..
There , There , There or There ??
Alright , here then ...
The word from a math teacher when im in form 3 .
She is the coolest teacher i ever met , she had a short black hair .
Always dress herself up like teenage .
Had a pretty face . Quite many male student like her .
Her name will remind me of honey . Hahaha
That day ,
I was doin like usual , talk and joke with all my classmate ..
At the moment they all stop , and i start doin my homework in class when the teacher had done teaching ..
The teacher bring a chair and sit in front of me .. and said
"why are your mind thinking so many things ?"
That moment my heart was melting , and there are some tears rolling in my eyes .
But they never come out .
My mind was " why ? i was thinking nothing and why she said im thinking so many things and i would cry ? "
She add on " you just lock your problem in a safety box in your heart , and the key is you "
This moment , my mind was .. " DID I ?! "
She leave the class with final word , " think will lead you to empty space , do will lead you to the space "
That day onward , i understand .
Life was too short to think , because time flies ..

The Best Appreciation

The best appreciation for my sacrifice of love to you is not about what you can do for me .
Its the word " Thank You for lovin me " .