The Final Chapter

THE FINAL CHAPTER !!

    I... was in love with you since Form 4 the first time i met you .
I bring you to see our school "penolong kanan" Mister Raghbir Singh and inform the management that you are newcomer and registering yourself .
Hahaha , i still remember what i said to you . Where are you from , and why you transfer to out school ?
I still remember , i always saw you have your head looking down the floor and always sitting there alone . In fact was , you were there holding your phone and SMS with someone . That moment , how much i wish i was the fella .
Actually just for a very short time only , because in my mindset . Someone like you is totally IMPOSSIBLE for me and so i told myself to forgot . Of coz , love at first sight is crazy . so i could easily forgot that feeling and in a very short time i goes along with another girl in our school .
That moment i knew , i was totally had you removed .

     One day , our class plan a trip to Sunway Pyramid ice skating . hahaha .
I still remember i went there with another gang of friend early morning and then join my class after that and stay until very very late . I still remember , she go with her boyfriend and they play so happy then in bus they were sittin together and she sleep in such cute and silence way ^^ Until now i still remember that moment , maybe im a person with good memory perhap , Hehe .

     Time pass !! Graduated .

     Sometimes we had a class gathering , sometime wherever there is an event . I will look forward for certain person attendance . Youre one of them .
Most memorable gathering , 2011 Chinese New Year . We are all gathered  here in one restaurant in Seri Kembangan . After the dinner , we are then went to Pavillion for a group movie . Youre hesitating whether goin or not , youre wanted to go so much but youre afraid no one could send you home later on . Haha , then im being call up and asked whether i can fetch you home later .
I promise without any thought . Dont know leh .
Finally movie is finish , on the way to our carpark . A GUYS !! Waiting you down there , and i heard someone is discussing about you and him . I thought that was your new bf , but i also heard you still havent break with your Ex and Actually he just your friend . My feeling was , WTF . This girl was !!
That time , i was so pity to her Ex =.=

     And faith , faith ? I do not know , perhaps it is just a coincidence .
Anyway , we somehow able to chat online . Not long , but meaningful to me .
Another gathering , A day after Christmas . 26 December 2011 . Once again , we met .
And this time , i do have the chance to fetch you home . AFter the gathering , since she is following my car . Then i still have to go another small party , my another friends give surprise to her boyfriend . That day , that time , that place , i found that i fell for you AGAIN !!


    AGAIN !! I tell myself , that was just a temporary feeling . So fast i can forgot it like i do in secondary school . I also keep telling myself this girl wasnt the one i was looking for , she will make me unhappy .
After i get her home , bath and laying on my bed . Cant control myself to send her a sms and say "Merry Christmas . Good Night =D"
She replied , not so remember but a word i remember so much "she cant sleep".
Know what , This day onward . We chat almost everyday , Until 1st January 2012 i tell you I Love You .
I know it just a short time from 26Dec2011 to 1Jan2012 . But the day in between , the joke we had , the way we chat . My feeling start to get deeper and I WAS SO CONFIRM , I LOVE HER SO MUCH !!! 
This feeling had not been appear after i broke with my Ex until that day .

    Hehehehe .

Thinking back of what i had done to you ..
Knowing that you are quarreling with him , i spend all my times try to get you accompanied .
So that you won't be too sad .Even though im so unhappy when you told me you still chatting with him . How much i wish i can tell you , I LOVE YOU !!
and
tell you to leave him !!

     Time pass , you finally break up with him . Hehe , December 31 2011 , 10.30pm you text me and tell me .
What a special day huh ? Of coz im so freaking happy . But in another way , i worry she is so sad TT But i knew she was at home , with her family with her . I believe she will be sound and safe .
      I still very remember , i was at Genting with my ex secondary classmate celebrating New Year countdown with more than thousand of people packed at the themed park just to see the firework . I plan to take picture with the firework and with the body language , I LOVE YOU and MMS you and tell you how much I LOVE YOU !!
Too bad , due to weather problem . Firework postponed to January 1 2012 night .
So , my mind was . Destinated , i shouldnt let you know my feeling . But when i think and think . If i dont tell you , i will never know what youre thinking and i never know whether i really can love you or not . After awhile i confirmed to send that message ^^
She wasnt replying until I did try to send another message , i found that her phone was off . I was OMG , She off her phone =.=
But later on , She replied , "CONFIRM??"
so I reply , CONFIRM !!
and only i found that she was sick that night , caught in cold and cough alot . She then say good night and went to sleep .
That night , me and my other friend play in one of my friend's apartment . We play until almost dawn . The time we wanan sleep , it was cold like hell . I got no blanket but just a carpet .
And hadda wake at around 10am , i was first to wake . So i had a early access of toilet . Haha .

     After awhile i text her good morning and ask about her condition . God Bless , she is better but still have to take good care .
Chat with you until very late of every night even though i'm so so so tired and sleepy .
     Night came . That day we talk since morning , just normal chatting .
Until night , i decide to initiate her again .
So i start by asking her "what is her thinking after i told her i love her"
She  ask me , why after my I Love You , there is a TT symbol ?
My text look like this , I Love You at the end .
xxxx
xxxx
xxxx
xxxx
I Love You TT
SO i said , Because i believe if you were there that night . I will tell you by my mouth , and i believe my tears will fall !!
After some text , i ask her . "I know youre not ready now and youre just leave a relationship . So you dont have to gimme a answer now . But i just wanna know , the moment youre ready . Will i be on your list ?"
She ask me , what is my 2012 plans .
I Told her what was my plan .
and
she replied , "youre are on my list" .

     She may not know this , after this WORD !! I WAS FREAKING MOTIVATED , I jump up from my bed and do what i had planed !!
All this time , times pass so fast coz' i have you to chat with me . 
The first time i go out with , just 2 person .
Do you remember when ?
hehe , Dreamz Bakery . I still remember the moment while i was driving to the destination , I was so silence do not know what to say .
I act i was busy with gps , i hope when we reach i was able to speak up .
Too sad , when we reach . Youre the one who talking all the time . I was just listening , and i dont know what to say =.=
After that day , i start to research "how to speak up"
I search on net ,
I ask my friend who had boyfriend or girlfriend and ask them to share their stories .
One day i ask you ,
"What am i good and bad of if i was your friend?"
"What am i good and bad of if i was your boyfriend?"
Your Answer ,
"youre good at , knowing how to take care of her and im bad at not talking much . Coz when 2 person go dating , will be so boring"
But that moment i remember back the moment where you and your boyfriend at Sunway Pyramid , your Ex was silence too =.= But i dint say it out , just in my mind .
Later , i start to know how to speak up in front of her .
Yet i start to felt so comfortable when im just alone with her ^^

     After the first time , i start get a  chance and try to date her for a a second time .
That day , I suppose youre holiday still havent end . But you was so boring at home , duno what to do .
So i take another chance and date your for a movie .
First she wasnt rejecting , and so i told her i will be waiting your .
So Intentionally wait you at Boston and dressed well for a movie . Then intentionally online there and chat with you to keep you accompanied .
you say nothin ,but i knew you wasnt feel like goin already . Im mad .
and ,
still find a reason to see you , by sending you chocolate .
But then when i see you , all the anger is release ..
look at your innocent eye , pretty faces and sweet smile ^^
How can i mad at you -.- How could I !!??
Actually i also understand , it was your parent problem .

     ACtually there is a stories where we go for a gathering at Mines and then we go for a movie at pavillion . Haha , that remind me of last year . But this time , I was the one who fetching her home ^^
I found that Love can really help you cope with every thing that you dont like about your loved one .

     2Weeks before Valentine .
I directly ask you , " say , Valentine wanna go out ?"
haha , seems like you are okay with it already .
But you really no reject .
So i start to do survey , which Japanese restaurant was the best .
I found that so many said Shogun .
So i make a booking at Fahrenheit 88 , i worry you dont like buffet .
So i book other a table with other sushi restaurant that located at same mall .
Also i start to plan the agenda for that day .
My plan was , a bear in car . A rose .
I wan her to assume her valentine present was a rose , a bear and a dinner .
hehe , that rose was just to make her dissapoint .
And i planned , the bouquet of rose will be given after all the event . Before i bring you back safely to your hostel .
I still remember the reaction when she saw that bouquet of flower , she was so so so happy . I confirm this , she may not admit . That moment , how much i wish i can hold her and give her a goodbye kiss .
Actually i should ask to go for a walk or a drink after i send her back hostel .
I still remember that day , TUESDAY !!! 14Febuary2012 , I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY !! NEVER !!
     After i home , i saw her took photo with the bear and a word "even ad past but still happy valentine"
Was happy coz she appreciated it =D
     She hadda go home on thursday , and i remember that she lemme fetch her home . The moment i reach her hostel , i wasnt expecting that she will bring the flower i give her back to home . But she bring it back ^^ I was so happy , she lemme fetch her home with the flower i give her .
In my mind was , she let her parent know that im the guy who is after her NOW !!
Was so excited , hehehe .
She did complain that her daddy was nagging her , about not studying all that . Coz her daddy tot she is in relationship and not focus on her study .
Then i intentionally ask her , WHY !?
Why she still bring the flower back even she knew that her parent will nag her .
She answer me "i believe that there is a possiblities between us and i dun wanna live those life where i hadda hide from parent to go out with my boyfriend like my EX " WOAH !!
Boyfriend she mention ? Of coz i was happy and so excited , unable to sleep .
God damn , the feeling was .
Do all the best i can , and love her with all the blood that i able to pump to heart . And my hard work is return with a good payback .
That moment , i start to slow down . Not to give you more pressure so that you can focus more on study first .
BUT , Things change . WHEN ?
The moment i start working , she start exam and doin revision .
Things change , WORSE .
We start to stop chat like last time , and every day gettin serious and serious .
    
     After her exam pass , i dont want things to go on like this and so i decided to do something . I bought a diamond ring and diamond earring .
     There is part where i make her 1000 handmade STARs , and pour from above her hostel room and then i invited her to go down and talk to her . I gave her the ring .
Hehe , she start to nervous and acting not feeling good .
I can see from her action , with her hand cover her face always , bend down and others .
I date her for a movie next , and send her home . Then right before she goin to her house , she said "better we dont go out tonight , i felt it will be very uncomfortable with you tonight"What next ? I sit my car , and THINK !! What im done , what im done wrong , what else is less . She say we may have possibilities but things goes become worse .
I cant felt any feeling , even a feeling of friendship . Totally . It is like LOSING SOMETHING THAT HAD BEEN HOLDING FOR SOME TIME !!
     Later while , she came down with the ring i give her and tell me she shouldnt accept it . hehe , that moment was akward =.= She recieved it becoz she tot she should and after some of her friend word . She decide not to accept .
Its okay ! Great .

    Our story may end here , But i will make a new book for it ^^

    I actually still believe if you will tell your parent that you love me too and wanna be together with me . I believe this woulnt be our final chapter in this book ! I also believe there is no final chapter , I will go on what im doin .
I swear to give you a big surprise on your 21st birthday party ^^
Accept it or not , can make you love me or not ,
I actually dont really care already . As long as i had done my best , and i can at least see your smile . And appreciate what i had done .

     Even im not looking for you , that doesnt mean i had forgot you .
I was just hiding behind your shadow and don wana give you streess ^^

     In fact , i knew everything was my fault . If i could just control my emotion a little bit more . If i pay more attention , If i give more love .
Sorry girl , I was the one who wrote this final chapter on our love .
I LOVE YOU !!
I Wish you happy always ^^
If this was a paper , it would be all wet ~
I promise you , I will live my life ^^

Planned & Undone

So many things had been planned , and me myself are well prepared for anythings that come towards .
Too bad , there are too many factor that affect my plan .
1 . Other Than Me 
     Sometime , when we are asking for help . What we can do beside wait ?
Anyway , this human is kinda cheap ? I doesnt mean "ALL" . Some are so co-op . But some say busy , but they can still reply -.-
Good .. Its okay , Malaysian ma ~ They always act busy , but they are actually facing the pc and scrolling their mouse , lol .
FOR ME IT'S L.I.F.E !
2 . Working Hours
     IN time , i felt so tired after work . even that my job arent tiring , But every time i reach home i just wish i can jump on bed and sleep .
Too bad i still have things to be done , i have to force myself and work on it .
"ALWAYS" ask myself , WHAT I WANT !!!
When i felt down or unsure where i gonna go . I WILL TELL MYSELF MY DREAM !!
A friend of mine taught me , even we just met once .
But thanks alot .
When im down or unsure , Im unsure whether i should go on with my job or not . Coz it is stress and tiring .
Then i will tell myself , I WANNA DRIVE A CAR WORTH MORE THAN 100K , I WANNA OWN A HOUSE WORTH MORE THAN 350K , I WANNA OWN A BUSINESS WORTH MORE THAN 1B . Yeah , That is what i want !! SO I HAVE TO WORK HARDER THAN OTHER .
Beside that , i wanna own my very first car at 21st , and my very own property before 24th !!
This is what motivated me to GO ON !!

3 . Unappreciated
     Its okay ..
Sometime what i do for someone is unappreaciated . ITs okay for me , AS LONG AS I HAD DONE MY BEST !!
But what is , when i done my best and doesnt felt appreaciated . It is really heart breaking , even i said IT IS OKAY . But its not okay .
Seriously , when someone do something for you . PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE , APPREACIATE IT .
Not by accepting , a "THANK YOU" . This will really , AT LEAST the person who done so many things for you will felt appreaciated !!
     Sometimes this feeling came out , and it will make me hard to go on with what i should do .
Thats why , somethings is planned but is hard to be done . "
I WILL DO MY BEST THOUGH !